The Crush, 2007

Untitled, 2007

Pregnant and Pilates, 2007

If you think your body and mind are two,
that is wrong;
if you think that they are one, that is also wrong.
Our body and mind are both two and one.
- Shunryu Suzuki

All vibration is the spiraling undulation of three forces: sattva, rajas, and tamas. All life grows thru union of these gunas so that we may resonate in tune with the polarity of the Universe.

And so, all nature is a expression of cycles: birth and death, pushing and pulling, acid and alkaline, positive and negative, yin and yang, male and female, spirit and matter, ida and pingala. All energy moves in a cycle of consciousness, spiraling and pulsating from the sattva guna (Sat refers to the Supreme Being); the prana powerhouse and the diamond castle of our lady, Sushumna.
Emanating from sattva guna is a positive centrifugal field of force called the rajas guna- the energy of expansive and creative expression that underlines the evolutionary process; quite literally "the glow” in the expression of life that sustains the conscious mind.
The negative centripetal field is called the tamas guna. The Sanskrit word for tamas means, "to perish" and rules the resonance of negativity and the reactive unconscious mind. Tamas is the instrumental purifying source which eliminates that which is not life sustaining.
All vibration is the spiraling balance of these three forces.


Only with harmony may we harvest equanimity, discrimination and wisdom. It is in harmony with the five phases of materialization (Ether, Air, Fire, Water and Earth) that we vibrate with Body and Soul.


Why am i addressing this very important concept of polarity today? Because so often we forget to pay attention to the ever so spiritually sensual oscillation of life; we tend to 'buy into' the black or white mentality when really, all forces work together to re-establish natural balance.
So the sacred breath of Brahma dances and flows, gets stuck and flings undoubtedly inward and down, outward and up..


..inevitably back to the Source.


a bow to all who dance with awareness.
may we continue to learn and be present.

so this feeling that i've been having, this energy that i cant quite put my finger on...well i figured it out! if you haven't guessed... its PAINTING! which i have been doing religiously for the last few days. these are some images of my new babies. (they're actually really big!)

why do i feel like i have tapped into something powerful today? almost like there is too much chi coursing through my body. sure one might say that there is too much heat, an imbalance of some sort. yet this can not be treated with herbs, foods or even breath. what i got is a case of...

a case of...

honestly, i don't know. it's a new feeling. one that makes for better posture, and spontaneous asanas. is it joy? is it just a positive outlook?

"If we have a habit of thinking in a particular pattern, positive or negative, then these tendencies will be triggered and provoked very easily, and recur and go on recurring. With constant repetition our inclinations and habits become steadily more entrenched, and continue increasing and gathering power, even when we sleep. This is how they come to determine our life, our death, and our rebirth." -Sogyal Rinpoche

well, if that is the case, today i declare a new habit of feeling...

"Anyone can revolt. It is more difficult silently to obey our own inner promptings, and to spend our lives finding sincere and fitting means of expression for our temperament and our gifts. "

~Georges Rouault , French Expressionist painter

(1871 - 1958)

Imagine that you had gone all your life without ever washing, and then one day you decide to take a shower. You start scrubbing away, but then watch in horror as the dirt begins to ooze out of the pores of your skin and stream down your body. Something must be wrong: You were supposed to be getting cleaner and all you can see is grime. You panic and fling yourself out of the shower, convinced that you should never have begun. But you only end up even more dirty than before. You have no way of knowing that the wisest thing to do is to be patient and to finish the shower. It may look for a while as if you are getting even dirtier, but if you keep on washing, you will emerge fresh and clean. It's all a process, the process of purification.

- Sogyal Rinpoche

"I dream a lot. I do more painting when I'm not painting. It's in the subconscious."

-Andrew Wyeth

confusion2, 2004

what is it that stops us from speaking our true language?

the ego mind can come up with a gazillion excuses.

sometimes i think and feel we need a little grace period to fuel our liberation- a pause for some clarity; some stillness to make it sacred. perhaps that is what i have been doing all this time. taking a break.

i feel blessed to have found my place of rest in this universe, and look forward to a colorful liberation.

Otto Dix (1891-1969)

on letting go and clarity...

it is a deep and earnest appreciation for life, a parting of the clouds, a spring flower after the storm; it is my 365th day of sobriety. like waking up slowly from a deep and dark sleep, each moment is fresh and frightening. i feel naked, i feel anxious, i feel free. there once was a time when red wine filled my cup, made me drunk with wild and inexplicable poetry, fogetful of body and yearning for soul. now i am empty- learning to steady the dragon with mindfulness and perserverence.

may these next 365 days be filled with glorious determination and fierce dedication to clarity, truth and love...

after all, i got bigger fish to fry.

Highway 9, Colorado

I dashed down into the nether regions and brought the vital breath up;
I got its clue out of earth and stones;
Then my kundalini woke up with nada;
I drank wine by the mouth,
I got the vital breath gathered it within myself.

~Rupa Bhawani

ok, so i have no idea where this came from, but here ya go:

http://www.ethnicpaintings.com/new_contemporary_artist/karen-carmona.html

ps. i live in Oregon

On many an idle day have I grieved over lost time. But it is never lost, my lord. Thou hast taken every moment of my life in thine own hands.

Hidden in the heart of things thou art nourishing seeds into sprouts, buds into blossoms, and ripening flowers into fruitfulness.

I was tired and sleeping on my idle bed and imagined all work had ceased. In the morning I woke up and found my garden full with wonders of flowers.

-Rabindranath Tagore

If we are interdependent with everything and everyone, even our smallest, least significant thought, word, and action have real consequences throughout the universe.

Throw a pebble into a pond. It sends a shiver across the surface of the water. Ripples merge into one another and create new ones. Everything is inextricably interrelated: We come to realize that we are responsible for everything we do, say, or think, responsible in fact for ourselves, everyone and everything else, and the entire universe.

-Sogyal Rinpoche

http://shift2bikes.org/pedalpalooza/pp2007.php

um, WORLD NAKED BIKE RIDE, anyone?!

Its that time of year again...

PLEASE make a contribution at any of the sereval sites this year.... and even if you cant afford to hang at Disjecta... just get in and get dirty!

Oh, and don't forget to stop by the TLC Farm to see the new composting toilets!

http://www.cityrepair.org/wiki.php/projects/vbc7

It’s official- cardio commute has commenced! As if you haven’t noticed already, it is BEAUTIFUL out there: perfect riding conditions with early morning light and every Dogwood blooming in its poetic glory! Thank Goodness for the two wheel revolution! May all beings get out and ride their beloved bikes today! Viva la liberation!

Schedule of Drumming Circles

at Cedar Mountain Drums

7:00 - 9:00 p.m.

2239 E. Burnside, Portland, OR (Upstairs)

503-235-6345

First Wednesday
Men's Drumming

Second Wednesday
Mixed Drumming [Children, Women, Men]

Third Wednesday
Women's Drumming

Fourth Wednesday
Shamanic Drumming ($10.00 donation)

Donation of $5.00 helps pay for the use of the space.Bring your own drums and rattles, or use one of ours

Ego plays brilliantly on our fundamental fear of losing control, and of the unknown. We might say to ourselves: "I should really let go of ego, I'm in such pain; but if I do, what's going to happen to me?"

Ego will chime in sweetly: "I know I'm sometimes a nuisance, and believe me, I quite understand if you want me to leave. But is that really what you want? Think: If I do go, what's going to happen to you? Who'll look after you? Who will protect and care for you like I've done all these years?"

Even if we see through the lies of the ego, we are just too scared to abandon it; for without any true knowledge of the nature of our mind, or true identity, we simply have no other alternative. Again and again we cave in to ego's demands with the same sad self-hatred as the alcoholic feels reaching for the drink that he knows is destroying him, or the drug addict feels groping for the drug that she knows after a brief high will only leave her flat and desperate.

-Sogyal Rinpoche

I lost my world, my fame, my mind --

The Sun appeared, and all the shadows ran.

I ran after them, but vanished as I ran --

Light ran after me and hunted me down.

-Rumi

Doing Time, Doing Vipassana

Free movie night at The Core Source, 5509 NE 30th Ave. @ Killingsworth

Thursday, April 19, 7:00 PM

Doing Time, Doing VipassanaAn award winning documentary which takes viewers inside India's largest prison to show the dramatic change brought about by the introduction of vipassana meditation. It is the remarkable story of Kiran Bedi and how she strove to transform the notorious Tihar prison from a hellhole of crime into an oasis of peace.

Bring a sit-upon and whatever you need to be comfy. It's a casual affair.

looking through soft eyes~

Sound Rhythm presents a Drum Circle every Sunday!

Everyone is welcome to come make rhythm with others in a nice acoustic environment.

Please bring drums and any percussive sound makers. There will some items available to use.

When: Sundays 4:30-6:00PM

Where: Colonial Heights Presbyterian Church (not affiliated with the church)2828 S.E. Stephens St., 97214 (between Hawthorne and Division)

Who: Anybody. Family and Friends

Suggested Donation: $3-5 (people should feel welcome if they aren't able to contribute)

Call or email Sound Rhythm Drumming if you have any questions

I got wasted last night…liquor, beer- everything and anything. When I awoke at 3:30 in the morning I could not believe what I had done! My mouth was dry, my head was pounding, and in my heart- a little suspicious. It took a full few minutes to realize that it was a dream- another awful guilt ridden drinking dream. This happens frequently, when the sheets of sleep are super thin. It has been 259 days.

We got CHICKENS!

And then i go out and do things like hike Mt. Tabor on a whim and its muddy and my heart rate is up and i’m thinking: "yeah, that’s nice to tie your shoe laces and all- but the real work is up ahead- sweating breathing, climbing!!" And yes a mountain is a mountain any way you climb it… and I want to freakin’ climb it. Enough with the idle walks around the riverfront- bring on the sweat, the fierce shit, the freakin’ adventure. Thank you, mountain- that was a good hike! (and i know.. Mt. Tabor is a mole hill..may there be more)

It just never ceases to amaze me- the ever changing and intricate quality of each and every practice, from the mindfulness of morning meditations to the infinite details of dinner; each time I go into the gym or lace up my running shoes, heck every time I bend over, there is a different feeling to the experience… it helps to re-mind me that this life is an amazing dance and that each moment is another opportunity to rise higher!

"Now when that ignorance which grasps and apprehends things as inherently existent is realized to be erroneous, it opens up a possibility for us to see through the deception, and so put an end to the negative emotions that ignorance causes. Therefore there is a possibility of putting an end to suffering."

~the Dalai Lama

Smile and the world smiles back! Walking by the river, heart open- sun shining, every person i passed by was smiling; of course, so was i. Perhaps it is because we so rarely see the sun in Portland, and when we do, we turn into fun-loving sun adorning smilers.

Try it!

So I write about my dreams, so what?!

the spaces between the dream and awake states have become more or less transparent; random happenings within my dreams have become recognizable symbols; past, future and present are inextricably linked - so much that my life is a foreshadow of a memory.

Last night I dreamt of diamonds and dogs.

Meditation is not for him who eats too much,
nor for him who eats not at all; not for him
who is overmuch addicted to sleep, nor for
him who is always awake.

~Bhagavad Gita

Dear Friends:

Women's shelters in the U.S. go through thousands of tampons and pads monthly. Assistance agencies generally help with expenses of "everyday" necessities such as toilet paper, diapers, and clothing, but one of the most BASIC needs is overlooked - feminine hygiene products. (Yes, sexism is still alive and well.)

Seventh Generation, a green paper products and cleaning products company, will donate a box of sanitary products to a women's shelter in your chosen state - just for clicking the link. Talk about easy (and, yes, it is Legitimate)!

http://www.tampontification.com/donate.php

Thanks - and pass it on!

Companeros, take heart~
though your roots be torn
they will grow again in new ground
and brighter days will rise
from the fertile dark.

had this crazy dream last night, and so I wrote it down for my sister as a birthday offering. not sure what it is offering, yet, here it goes..Jd’s Birthday Dream:

(a vivid and fun one, lots of detail and emotion)

So you and I are wandering through a forest of thick bramble and woodsy terrain. Suddenly the skies go dark; there is no visibility in this strange and slightly frightening place. So after following you, arm in arm, and getting nowhere, (your even directionally challenged in my dreams) we decide to let lil’ ol me take the lead. Gracefully, as if by magic, we mazed our way through the branches, puddles and frightful mystery… And as suddenly as the dark closed in, we had found a way out!

As the end of the forest approached there was a beautiful scene of cliffs and breaking ocean waves. Arm in arm we dove into the sapphire blue sea and let the waves toss us around like little children. Then… HARK! Karen spots a boat at sea! As she swims for it, JD bobs in the water waiting to see what the fuss is.

When she finally reached the deck of the boat, in the dim light of exhaustion and with a glimmer of hope, she sees it- a dead man with eyes wide open.

“Jenny, get up here, there’s a dead guy!”

She climbs up to the assumed and in disbelief whispers into Karen’s ear: “Sweet, look at this boat!”

And so JD and Karen make themselves at home on this dead stranger’s boat, finding the most comfortable bed, the most delicious foods and with a Goldilocks approach, settled in for the night.

After a few hours of rest and relaxation, (after all they were just lost in a wild forest) Karen hears a noise coming from the deck. Within seconds... he appears.

The dead guy.

“What?! I thought you were dead!"

Apparently this man, this boat owner from the cliffside of the ocean, sleeps with his eyes open.

And here is where the story gets weird. Karen starts to feel certain closeness with the stranger; in fact, he seems to be befriending her parents (who suddenly enter the dream and the boat) and is looking more and more familiar to her…

Wait, its DR. MATHEWS!!!

And after a few minutes of this older Dr. from her past, courting young Karen... she realizes that everyone in the dream is OK with the fact that her Doc is coming on to her. Weird.

BEEP BEEP BEEP. Time to get up, end of dream.

*after reading this over, i realize it sounds like some freakish confession. it's not.. i guess you just have to know my sister and i to get its full meaning.

Happy birthday JD!

Why do we live in such terror of death? Perhaps the deepest reason why we are afraid of death is that we do not know who we are. We believe in a personal, unique, and separate identity; but if we dare to examine it, we find that this identity depends entirely on an endless collection of things to prop it up: our name, our "biography," our partners, family, home, job, friends, credit cards. . . . It is on their fragile and transient support that we rely for our security. So when they are all taken away, will we have any idea of who we really are?

We live under an assumed identity, in a neurotic fairy-tale world with no more reality than the Mock Turtle in Alice in Wonderland. Hypnotized by the thrill of building, we have raised the houses of our lives on sand.

This world can seem marvelously convincing until death collapses the illusion and evicts us from our hiding place. And what will happen to us then if we have no clue of any deeper reality?

sogyal rinpoche

"Artwork by convicts and ex-convicts from Oregon will be on display at Enterbeing, located at 16th and NE Alberta in Portland, from February 22nd through March 21st. The show will open at 5 p.m. on February 22nd as part of Alberta Street's Fourth Thursday events. The public is invited to attend."

Monkey Mind

Wonderful, indeed, it is to subdue the mind, so difficult to subdue, ever swift, and seizing whatever it desires. A tamed mind brings happiness.
-The Dhammapada

Enlightenment, because of its mysterious nature,

has become a subject of so many fantasies!

But what is the reality behind it?

Do you want to know?

If yes - look inside and see who you are Now!