Sunday, December 21, 2008

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who has kept us alive, and has preserved us, and enabled us to reach this time.

Thou Livest!

Thou livest, but not from determined time or known epoch.
Thou livest, but not with soul or breath, for Thou art soul of the soul.
Thou livest, but not as the life of man that is like vanity, its end in moths and worms.
Thou livest, and whoever attains Thy secret will find eternal delight --
"and eat, and live for ever."

~Solomon ibn Gabirol

Thursday, December 18, 2008


It doesn't have to be
the blue iris, it could be
weeds in a vacant lot, or a few
small stones; just
pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don't try
to make them elaborate, this isn't
a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which
another voice may speak.

~Mary Oliver

Monday, December 15, 2008

Snow can wait, I forgot my mittens
Wipe my nose, get my new boots on
I get a little warm in my heart when I think of winter
I put my hand in my fathers glove

I run off where the drifts get deeper
Sleeping beauty trips me with a frown
I hear a voice you must learn to stand up for yourself
Cause I cant always be around

He says when you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that Ill always want you near
You say that things change my dear

Boys get discovered as winter melts
Flowers competing for the sun
Years go by and I'm here still waiting
Withering where some snowman was

Mirror mirror wheres the crystal palace
But I only can see myself
Skating around the truth who I am
But I know, dad, the ice is getting thing

Hair is gray and the fires are burning
So many dreams on the shelf
You say I wanted you to be proud
I always wanted that myself

Lyrics from Tori Amos: 'Winter'

Thursday, December 11, 2008

This self-sufficient black lady has shaken things up

Listen, faithful Tibetans!
I am merging with the fundamental, the ground of all that is---
physical pain and suffering are disappearing....

The son, the inner elements of my body,
is reuniting with the mother, the outer elements.
Her physical remains will disappear into earth and stone.

The compassion of the Guru has never left me;
his manifestations fill all the world and call out to welcome me.

This wild lady has done everything;
Many times have I come and gone, but now, no longer.
I am a Tibetan wife sent back to her family.
I shall now appear as the Queen, the All-good, the Dharmakaya.

This self-sufficient black lady
has shaken things up far and wide;
now the shaking will carry me away into the southwest.

I have finished with intrigues,
with the fervent cascades of schemes and deceptions;
I am winding my way into the expanse of the Dharma.

I have mourned many men of Tibet who have left me behind---
but now I am the one who will go to the land of the Buddhas.

~Yeshe Tsogyal

Yeshe Tsogyel (or Yeshe Tsogyal) is traditionally said to have been a princess in pre-Buddhist Tibet. She was married to a king at the age of twelve, but ran away to study meditation for three years with a Buddhist master and travelled to Nepal. She later returned to Tibet to help establish Buddhism in Tibet.)

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Someone told me recently that the "problem" with society is that everyone feels the need to control their lives and perhaps the lives of others; the way to live with happiness is an occasional break from these constrictions. I have always been a true dichotomous thinker: either it is black or it is white. And I admit it- this way of thinking has always gotten me in trouble. While these ideas of moderation, exploring the gray areas, walking the "middle" path... is intriguing, I still feel a strong to connection to what Virginia Wolf once said:

"To enjoy freedom, if the platitude is pardonable, we have of course to control ourselves. We must not squander our powers, helplessly and ignorantly, squirting half the house in order to water a single rose-bush; we must train them, exactly and powerfully, here on the very spot."

I think freedom and happiness can be a result of control. Like yogis and martial artists and dedicated athletes. Why squander our energy? If we are compassionate with our selves, and are able to see control as a way of refining our abilities (even our ability to relax and rest!) then there is no reason to 'blame' society for the misinterpretations of our own egos.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

I give thanks for my Mom who loves me unconditionally and who will always be my biggest supporter, compassionate admirer and trustworthy friend. She my Mom. I love her.

I give thanks for my Dad who's heart is opening to immeasurable proportions. I am grateful for his wisdom, his time and his willingness to go with the flow.

I give thanks to my sisters for without them I would be lost. I am grateful for their consistent love, support, and creativity. I can only imagine the words to express how deeply I care for my sisters.

I am grateful for the friends that I have made in the last year.

I am so freaking grateful for my boyfriend Ryone who has opened up my heart and forced me to do a lot more work in therapy! Thank you for allowing Love to grow.

Thank you Reece for speaking from you heart and being such an amazing person. I am so proud of you for so many reasons.

I am thankful for the time it has taken me to heal; although there is much work to do, patience is my greatest teacher.

I thank the Universe for this path because it just couldn't happen any other way. May there be perseverance, love, courage, strength and trust...always.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The Musk is Within the Deer

The musk is within the deer,
But he searches for it outside in the grass
instead of searching within himself.
He runs back and forth,
Wondering where the fragrance comes from.
The fragrance is nearby,
But he knows it not.

Caught by delusion, he roams about.
So do all people wander in pilgrimages
and outer observances.
If you wish to obtain your own true Home,
Then find it by looking within yourself
and dwell therein.

~Sant Dariya
Sant Dariya emerged as a poet-saint who encouraged harmony between Hindus and Muslims. He received enlightenment at the age of 20, and began to teach a path of non-violence and love for all.)

Sunday, November 09, 2008

The Mind of Absolute Trust

The great way isn't difficult
for those who are unattached to their preferences.
Let go of longing and aversion,
and everything will be perfectly clear.
When you cling to a hairbreadth of distinction,
heaven and earth are set apart.
If you want to realize the truth,
don't be for or against.
The struggle between good and evil
is the primal disease of the mind.
Not grasping the deeper meaning,
you just trouble your mind's serenity.
As vast as infinite space,
it is perfect and lacks nothing.
But because you select and reject,
you can't perceive its true nature.
Don't get entangled in the world;
don't lose yourself in emptiness.
Be at peace in the oneness of things,
and all errors will disappear by themselves.

If you don't live the Tao,
you fall into assertion or denial.
Asserting that the world is real,
you are blind to its deeper reality;
denying that the world is real,
you are blind to the selflessness of all things.
The more you think about these matters,
the farther you are from the truth.
Step aside from all thinking,
and there is nowhere you can't go.
Returning to the root, you find the meaning;
chasing appearances, you lose their source.
At the moment of profound insight,
you transcend both appearance and emptiness.
Don't keep searching for the truth;
just let go of your opinions.

For the mind in harmony with the Tao,
all selfishness disappears.
With not even a trace of self-doubt,
you can trust the universe completely.
All at once you are free,
with nothing left to hold on to.
All is empty, brilliant,
perfect in its own being.
In the world of things as they are,
there is no self, no non self.
If you want to describe its essence,
the best you can say is "Not-two."
In this "Not-two" nothing is separate,
and nothing in the world is excluded.
The enlightened of all times and places
have entered into this truth.
In it there is no gain or loss;
one instant is ten thousand years.
There is no here, no there;
infinity is right before your eyes.

The tiny is as large as the vast
when objective boundaries have vanished;
the vast is as small as the tiny
when you don't have external limits.
Being is an aspect of non-being;
non-being is no different from being.
Until you understand this truth,
you won't see anything clearly.
One is all; all
are one. When you realize this,
what reason for holiness or wisdom?
The mind of absolute trust
is beyond all thought, all striving,
is perfectly at peace, for in it
there is no yesterday, no today, no tomorrow.


Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Ho! Mesmerized by the sheer variety of perceptions, which
are like the illusory reflections of the moon in water,
Beings wander endlessly astray in samsara's vicious cycle.
In order that they may find comfort and ease in the luminosity
and all-pervading space of the true nature of their minds,
I generate the immeasurable love, compassion, joy and equanimity
of the awakened mind, the heart of Bodhicitta.


Thursday, October 30, 2008

He cried in a whisper at some image, at some vision—he cried out twice, a cry that was no more than a breath—"The horror! The horror!"

Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness

Happy Halloween!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Painting by Bill Matthews

Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche describes a yogi wandering through a garden. He is completely awake to the splendor and beauty of the flowers, and relishes their colors, shapes and scents. But there is no trace of clinging or any "after-thought" in his mind.

As Dudjom Rinpoche says:

"Whatever perceptions arise, you should be like a little child going into a beautifully decorated temple; he looks, but grasping does not enter into his perception at all. You leave everything fresh, natural, vivid and unspoiled. When you leave each thing in its own state, then its shape doesn't change, its color doesn't fade and its glow does not disappear. Whatever appears is unstained by any grasping, so then all that you perceive arises as the naked wisdom of Rigpa, which is the indivisibility of luminosity and emptiness."

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Behold the glow of the moon

Behold the glow of the moon
illumine the world's four quarters
perfect light in perfect space
a radiance that purifies
people say it waxes and wanes
but I don't see it fade
just like a magic pearl
it shines both night and day

Shih-te ("Pickup")

Monday, October 20, 2008

The Way takes no action, but leaves nothing undone.
When you accept this
The world will flourish,
In harmony with nature.

Nature does not possess desire;
Without desire, the heart becomes quiet;
In this manner the whole world is made tranquil.

~Tao Te Ching

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Some day, after we have mastered the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, . . . we shall harness . . . the energies of love. Then, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.


Monday, October 13, 2008

At time's beginning
that beauty
which polished creation's mirror
caressed every atom
with a hundred thousand suns.

But this glory
was never witnessed.

When the human eye emerged,
only then was he known.

Abdul-Qader Bedil

Saturday, October 11, 2008

The eye you see is not
an eye because you see it;
it is an eye because it sees you.

is an ugly fault,
and now it's a boring fault too.

This Narcissus of ours
can't see his face in the mirror
because he has become the mirror.

Don't trace out your profile,
forget your side view --
all that is outer stuff.

In my solitude
I have seen things very clearly
that were not true.

Beyond living and dreaming
there is something more important:
waking up.

I thought my fire was out,
and stirred the ashes...
I burnt my fingers.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

On Inner Wakefulness, Dreams and Joy....

This place is a dream
only a sleeper considers it real
then death comes like dawn
and you wake up laughing
at what you thought
was your grief

A man goes to sleep in the town
where he has always lived
and he dreams
he's living in another town
in the dream he doesn't remember
the town he's sleeping in his bed in
he believes the reality
of the dream town
the world is that kind of sleep

Humankind is being led
along an evolving course,
through this migration
of intelligences
and though we seem
to be sleeping
there is an inner wakefulness,
that directs the dream
and that will eventually
startle us back
to the truth of
who we are


You are happy, happy, but I am a thousand times happier!
Whom have I encountered in my dream last night? I know not.
I am so happy, I cannot be contained in the world;
But like a spirit, I am hidden from the eyes of the world.
If the foot of the trees were not tied to earth, they would be pursuing me;
For I have blossomed so much, I am the envy of the gardens.

Rumi~ (Divan 1740:1-3)

Friday, October 03, 2008

Where there are humans
You'll find flies,
And Buddhas.

~Kobayashi Issa

Friday, September 26, 2008

Because the flowers blooming
In our original home
Are everlasting,
Though springtimes may come and go
Their colors do not fade.


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Hungry Ghosts 2007

Six realms of existence are identified in Buddhism: gods, demigods, humans, animals, hungry ghosts, and hells. They are each the result of one of the six main negative emotions: pride, jealousy, desire, ignorance, greed, and anger.

Looking at the world around us, and into our own minds, we can see that the six realms definitely do exist. They exist in the way we unconsciously allow our negative emotions to project and crystallize entire realms around us, and to define the style, form, flavor, and context of our life in those realms. And they exist also inwardly as the different seeds and tendencies of the various negative emotions within our psychophysical system, always ready to germinate and grow, depending on what influences them and how we choose to live. -SR

This is a painting I made last year. At the time, I just thought 'Hungry Ghost' was a cool name for the painting. Now it occurs to me that what I was really expressing was a part of my greed. I was greedy for something but I did not know what...and now I know.

Human Connection

Greed gets a bad rap in the Buddhist tradition. At a point, greed can deteriorate our lives and leave us feeling empty. But there is a different kind of greed that I am willing to live with. One that is affirming and real.

I can accept that I desire and deserve all the above things and when I don't get them I feel very, very Hungry.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Happy Birthday to me....

Yesterday was my birthday and yes, i guess i was feeling a bit more reflective, introspective and just plain emotional. Had brunch with friends, saw a local play about addiction and then ate dinner with a most kind hearted man.

Some could say that this was a challenging year: a move to New Mexico, a year of school, the turbulent transitions of staring over. Compared to others, however, life has been (mostly) smooth sailing. If there were just one lesson the Universe had for me this year it was one of perseverance.

i am so grateful for so many things right now.

May the next year bring more of the same.

Look at the birds. Even flying
is born

out of nothing. The first sky
is inside you, open

at either end of day.
The work of wings

was always freedom, fastening
one heart to every falling thing.

-Li-Young Lee

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The King Milinda once asked the Buddhist sage Nagasena: "When someone is reborn, is he the same as the one who just died, or is he different?"

Nagasena replied: "He is neither the same nor different. . . . Tell me, if a man were to light a lamp, could it provide light the whole night long?"


"Is the flame then which burns in the first watch of the night the same as the one that burns in the second . . . or the last?"


"Does that mean there is one lamp in the first watch of the night, another in the second, and another in the third?"

"No, it's because of that one lamp that the light shines all night."

"Rebirth is much the same: One phenomenon arises and another stops, simultaneously. So the first act of consciousness in the new existence is neither the same as the last act of consciousness in the previous existence, nor is it different."

Monday, September 15, 2008

You glide between the heart and its casing as tears glide from the eyelid.

You dwell in my inwardness, in the depths of my heart, as souls dwell in bodies.

Nothing passes from rest to motion unless you move it in hidden ways,

O new moon.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Often it is only when people suddenly feel they are losing their partner that they realize how much they love them. Then they cling on even tighter. But the more they grasp, the more the other person escapes them, and the more fragile the relationship becomes.

So often we want happiness, but the very way we pursue it is so clumsy and unskillful that it brings only more sorrow. Usually we assume we must grasp in order to have that something that will ensure our happiness. We ask ourselves: "How can we possibly enjoy anything if we cannot own it?" How often attachment is mistaken for love!

Even when the relationship is a good one, love can be spoiled by attachment with its insecurity, possessiveness, and pride; and then when love is gone, all you have left to show for it are the "souvenirs" of love, the scars of attachment.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.

Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.

We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love's light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.

Maya Angelou

Monday, September 08, 2008

The Pathway Finally Opened

When my heart came to rule in the world of love, it was freed from both belief and from disbelief. On this journey, I found the problem to be myself. When I went beyond myself, the pathway finally opened.

~Mahsati Ganjava

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Guardian Angel

I am the bird that flutters against your window in the morning,
and your closest friend, whom you can never know,
blossoms that light up for the blind.

I am the glacier shining over the woods, so pale,
and heavy voices from the cathedral tower.
The thought that suddenly hits you in the middle of the day
and makes you feel so fantastically happy.

I am the one you have loved for many years.
I walk beside you all day and look intently at you
and put my mouth against your heart
though you're not aware of it.

I am your third arm, your second
shadow, the white one,
whom you cannot accept,
and who can never forget you.

~Rolf Jacobsen

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Trust Your Vision

Trust your vision
make it whole
hold it like the Navajo
his solemn desert oracle
in quest of shaman passage
gaining his healing chant
guiding him through life.

Hold the vision
constantly rising
it is the way nature works
through you
it is the only self
an everchanging underdream
a vision (if you see it)
up to you
to make real.

Act on your vision
and pray that you are blessed.

~Stephen Levine

Sunday, August 24, 2008

It was like a stream
running into the dry bed
of a lake,
like rain
pouring on plants
parched to sticks.

It was like this world's pleasure
and the way to the other,
walking towards me.

Friday, August 22, 2008

If you find that meditation does not come easily in your city room, be inventive and go out into nature. Nature is always an unfailing fountain of inspiration. To calm your mind, go for a walk at dawn in the park, or watch the dew on a rose in a garden. Lie on the ground and gaze up into the sky, and let your mind expand into its spaciousness. Let the sky outside awaken a sky inside your mind. Stand by a stream and mingle your mind with its rushing; become one with its ceaseless sound. Sit by a waterfall and let its healing laughter purify your spirit. Walk on a beach and take the sea wind full and sweet against your face. Celebrate and use the beauty of moonlight to poise your mind. Sit by a lake or in a garden and, breathing quietly, let your mind fall silent as the moon comes up majestically and slowly in the cloudless night.

OK, so if anyone asks...this is what i would love for my Birthday!!!

Hara Diagnosis: Reflections on the Sea (Paradigm Title) (Hardcover)

by Kiiko Matsumoto and Stephen Birch

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

JD Carmona and Reece Johnson
Married August 16, 2008

Hip, Hip Hooray!

Monday, August 11, 2008

To work with changes now, in life: That is the real way to prepare for death. Life may be full of pain, suffering, and difficulty, but all of these are opportunities handed to us to help us move toward an emotional acceptance of death. It is only when we believe things to be permanent that we shut off the possibility of learning from change.

Sogyal Rinpoche

Friday, August 08, 2008

What most of us need, almost more than anything, is the courage and humility really to ask for help, from the depths of our hearts: to ask for the compassion of the enlightened beings, to ask for purification and healing, to ask for the power to understand the meaning of our suffering and transform it; at a relative level to ask for the growth in our lives of clarity, peace, and discernment, and to ask for the realization of the absolute nature of mind that comes from merging with the deathless wisdom mind of the master.

Sogyal Rinpoche

Saturday, August 02, 2008

The Valley of the Quest

When you begin the Valley of the Quest
Misfortunes will deprive you of all rest,
Each moment some new trouble terrifies,
And parrots there are panic-stricken flies.
There years must vanish while you strive and grieve;
There is the heart of all you will achieve --
Renounce the world, your power and all you own,
And in your heart's blood journey on alone.
When once your hands are empty, then your heart
Must purify itself and move apart
From everything that is -- when this is done,
The Lord's light blazes brighter than the sun,
Your heart is bathed in splendour and the quest
Expands a thousandfold within your breast.
Though fire flares up across the path, and though
A hundred monsters peer out from its glow,
The pilgrim driven on by his desire
Will like a moth rush gladly on the fire.
When love inspires his heart he begs for win,
One drop to be vouchsafed him as a sign --
And when he drinks this drop both worlds are gone;
Dry-lipped he founders in oblivion.
His zeal to know faith's mysteries will make
Him fight with dragons for salvation's sake --
Though blasphemy and curses crowd the gate,
Until it opens he will calmly wait,
And then where is this faith? this blasphemy?
Both vanish into strenghless vacancy.

Farid ud-Din Attar

Friday, July 25, 2008


Fragile as a spider's web
Hanging in space
Between tall grasses,
It is torn again and again.
A passing dog
Or simply the wind can do it.
Several times a day
I gather myself together
And spin it again.
Spiders are patient weavers.
They never give up.
And who knows
What keeps them at it?
Hunger, no doubt,
And hope.

~May Sarton

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

From the blossoming lotus of devotion, at the center of my being,
Rise up, O compassionate master, my only refuge!
I am plagued by past actions and turbulent emotions:
To protect me in my misfortune
Remain as the jewel-ornament on the crown of my head, the mandala of great bliss,
Arousing all my mindfulness and awareness, l pray!


Hope abides; therefore I abide.
Countless frustrations have not cowed me.
I am still alive, vibrant with life.
The black cloud will disappear,
The morning sun will appear once again
In all its supernal glory.

- Sri Chinmoy

(quote donation from my Mom)

Friday, July 18, 2008

Don't we know, only too well, that protection from pain doesn't work, and that when we try to defend ourselves from suffering, we only suffer more and don't learn what we can from the experience? -Sogyal Rinpoche

As Rilke wrote, the protected heart that is "never exposed to loss, innocent and secure, cannot know tenderness; only the won-back heart can ever be satisfied: free, through all it has given up, to rejoice in its mastery."

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Join me in a community drum circle!

Bring drums, shakers, chairs, friends and family to this beautiful
space and support a community circle here in Santa Fe!

Where: Cross of the Martyrs
600 Paseo de Peralta, Santa Fe, NM

When: Sundays at 2pm...ongoing.

(some drums provided!)

and i hope to see you there.


Friday, July 11, 2008

As Tibet's famous poet-saint, Milarepa, said: "My religion is to live - and die - without regret."

Monday, July 07, 2008

Water has a very important message for us. Water is telling us to take a much deeper look at our selves. When we do look at our selves through the mirror of water, the message becomes amazingly, crystal, clear. We know that human life is directly connected to the quality of our water, both within and all around us....

Water is a very malleable substance. Its physical shape easily adapts to whatever environment is present. But its physical appearance is not the only thing that changes, the molecular shape also changes. The energy or vibrations of the environment will change the molecular shape of water. In this sense water not only has the ability to visually reflect the environment but it also molecularly reflects the environment.

Masura Emoto has been visually documenting these molecular changes in water by means of his photographic techniques. He freezes droplets of water and then examines them under a dark field microscope that has photographic capabilities. His work clearly demonstrates the diversity of the molecular structure of water and the effect of the environment upon the structure of the water.

This is water looks like when confronted with the words "Thank you".

Friday, July 04, 2008

(Montana 2000 Rainbow Gathering...where i first met Ram Dass!)

O you who dwell In the house made of the dawn,
In the house made of the evening twilight . . .
Where the dark mist curtains the doorway,
The path to which is on the rainbow . . .
I have made your sacrifice.
I have prepared a smoke for you.

My feet restore for me.
My limbs restore for me.
My body restore for me.
My mind restore for me.
My voice restore for me.

Today, take away your spell from me.
Away from me you have taken it.
Far Off from me you have taken it.

Happily I recover.
Happily my interior becomes cool.
Happily my eyes regain their power.
Happily my head becomes cool.
Happily my limbs regain their power.
Happily I hear again.
Happily for me the spell is taken Off.

Happily I walk.
Impervious to pain, I walk.
Feeling light within, I walk . . .
In beauty I walk.
With beauty before me, I walk.
With beauty behind me, I walk.
With beauty below me, I walk.
With beauty all around me, I walk.

It is finished in beauty.
It is finished in beauty.
It is finished in beauty
Navajo Prayer

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

As the man and the woman in me

by Lalan

As the man and the woman in me
Unite in love,
The brilliance of beauty
Balanced on the bi-petalled
Lotus bloom in me
Dazzles my eyes.
The rays
Outshine the moon
And the jewels
Glowing on the hoods of snakes.

My skin and bone
Are turned to gold.
I am the reservoir of love,
Alive as the waves.

A single drop of water
Has grown into a sea,

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Whoever finds love
beneath hurt and grief
disappears into emptiness
with a thousand new disguises


Saturday, June 21, 2008

The Everlasting Voices

O sweet everlasting Voices, be still;
Go to the guards of the heavenly fold
And bid them wander obeying your will,
Flame under flame, till Time be no more;
Have you not heard that our hearts are old,
That you call in birds, in wind on the hill,
In shaken boughs, in tide on the shore?
O sweet everlasting Voices, be still.

William Butler Yeats