How hard it can be to turn our attention within! How easily we allow our old habits and set patterns to dominate us! Even though they bring us suffering, we accept them with almost fatalistic resignation, for we are so used to giving in to them. We may idealize freedom, but when it comes to our habits, we are completely enslaved.
Still, reflection can slowly bring us wisdom. We may, of course, fall back into fixed repetitive patterns again and again, but slowly we can emerge from them and change.
Last night I dreamed that I got drunk. This led to feelings of guilt and anguish as I tried to explain my behaviors to my family. My Mom, in particular, was in distress. It has been a year since I let go of that habit. Still, my subconscious persists. I see this dream as a means to reflect on the true nature of an abusive habit: guilt, anguish, distress...add that to powerlessness, numbness and attachment.
It is a blessing that we are able to change. It takes strength, persistence and sometimes support, and...
it is always worth it!